I only wish Nicky would feel the same way...
Right now, we still haven't broken the news to Nicky, who will be turning 7 in March. We slowly tried to create "make-believe" scenarios for him to digest the mere possibility of a sibling. Sadly, even in a hypothetical setting, Nicky became very upset. Maybe the age gap was too big, or maybe we gave him so much attention for so long that the idea of a "threat to the throne" is just too much for him to handle, or maybe he doesn't understand the whole sibling idea just yet.
The conversation with him went us such:
Me (sitting on the orange beanbag in his room): Hey, Nicky, i need to ask you something.
Nicky (sits on my lap): Yes, mommy?
Me: Wouldn't it be a great idea if we asked Papa God to send you a baby brother or sister to play with this year?
Nicky (looks at me with total shock): Uh... no!
Me (just as shocked): Why not? Don't you want a playmate? It will be so much fun for you! (notice i'm stressing on the baby as being for HIS benefit)
Nicky (looks away): Nope. I'm fine. I don't need a playmate. I have my classmates and friends in school. I have playmates in Ligaya (our community group).
Me: Yes, i know you do. But you play with their brothers and sisters too! Remember Rafa and Luigi? They're both brothers and you love playing with them. They have lots of fun together, right? Just like Martin and Miguel?
Nicky: Nope. I'm ok being alone.
Me: But why wouldn't you want to have a brother and sister at all?
Nicky: Because, mommy, if there's a new baby, nobody would love me anymore!
By this time, my heart broke. I, myself, am an only child, and the idea of having a sibling is something I could never quite fathom. I looked back at when i was a child and wondered if I would have felt and thought the same thing had my parents given me brothers or sisters. Of course, after Nicky said this, I went on to explain to him that that would never happen. That the love we had for him would remain intact, and would grow even more through the passing of time. That the coming of a new baby didn't mean that the love we have for him will not be SHARED but will be given to each one of them separately and WHOLLY.
But how do you explain these things to a 6 year old, who from the moment he was born was built to be the sweet, sensitive and emotional boy that he is. His lips quivered and his eyes grew teary as he slowly absorbed the fact that our "hypothetical" baby may just become a reality.
So right now, every chance we have, we try to show him siblings laughing and playing at a mall or in a church yard. Or we tell him that "if" papa God decides to give him a sibling, that he will teach the baby all these neat stuff about dinosaurs, and trains, and tractors. Anything, just to get him to warm up to the idea. At least for now.
What about you moms out there who have more than one child -- what can you suggest to me as the best way to break the news to Nicky in the most gentlest way possible? What did you do in the past? I'm open to any help you're willing to send my away :-)
15 comments:
Congratulations!!! HOORAY for you and your husband and hopefully ecentually for your little boy, too!
I hope he does 'warm' to the idea, too...And it seems like if he knows without question he will be loved, no matter what...it will be an idea he WILL warm to! Well, I'll try to at least put some 'light' around that idea for you! (lol)
AHA
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Wow. This is so ironic because last week I blogged about my sister and our relationship. When I found out she was coming, I was 7 years old and my reaction was NOT positive. And, while we have had rocky times, I can say that I did warm to the idea only weeks after my mom told me.
Perhaps approach it as that God (if you so believe) has blessed your house with a gift and tell him how important his job is going to be as a big brother. Tell him he will be the one who teaches his sister/brother how to do so many things.
This is so true. My daughter completely copies her brother. He really loves it too, you can tell.
Best of luck with it. Keep us posted with how it goes!
Ok first off this is not a criticism but the whole "playmate" concept is a little hard for the older sibling to get a grasp on and not something I would push straight away. A BABY is not a playmate for quite sometime and at 7 he will have to wait awhile to be able to "play" with his sibling. It is a good idea to keep showing him families with siblings that are friends and get on well within your own circle of friends.
As hard as it sounds you really don't want to make him think he has a "choice" in this matter because you are already pregnant. When you are a little further along in the pregnancy you could also look into sibling classes which I know some hospitals run.
Oh boy - that's a tough one. Dylan knew when we were trying to have a baby and was really happy about it. I'm sorry I have no advice.
When my brother was on his way, my mother made the mistake of telling me (age 3) I would be getting a baby brother or sister. I didn't hear "or," I heard "and."
I peered into his bassinette when he arrived, looked up at my mother, and said, "Okay, where's my sistoe?"
Sorry I'm no help. Just make sure you include Nicky in all the preparations for baby, and continue to let him know that you and hubby have enough love for Nicky and the new baby.
Also, Dylan and I made t-shirts for himself and baby - "I'm the big brother" and "I'm the little brother." Include him anywhere you can. Best of luck!
Hello thank You for pointing out that I forgot the N in unicorn. I changed it LOL.
WONDERFUL! My Niece just had her beautiful daughter and they have a 3 year old son who doesn't quite realize this little girl is his sister for goodand is here to stay. He will eventually warm up to the idea. Don't worry! I know it's easy to say, but he will fallin love with the new baby!
I missed it! I come here almost everyday and I missed it! CONGRATS! UGG...I wish I had my kids closer to eachother. Tyler always wants to play but Peyton is still sorta a baby. It has been better since he started walking though:)
Sometimes Tyler says he wishes P was a baby again so he would just lay there and leave his stuff alone!
Thanks for auditioning, the winner is up :)
If nothing can make Nicky accept the situation I would suggest you to ask support and help from your Ligaya group. Maybe in one of your meetings they could in one way sight out about having brothers and sisters.
tell him he's been chosen to do a very important job -- big brother. :) and it's not a choice, more of a task assigned to him haha. :) he'll warm up to the idea eventually ;)
oh, my friend Ez had a few tricks to make her firstborn not feel 'replaced'... when she gave birth, she gave her son a gift supposedly from her newborn baby, some sort of hello big brother thing.
i suggest not asking him if he wants a sibling anymore -- kasi by asking him, he gets to say no he doesn't want one, but no choice na, you have a baby coming. he might feel like you asked him AND THEN disregarded his answer.
i agree with wendywings and the 'no choice' approach. but more of getting him excited na lang about his new role. he's OC about doing stuff well, right? maybe you can get to him that way.
if he doesn't warm up to the idea right away, time i guess will do its thing.
but i dunno, i'm no psychologist. ;)
Well, I only have one son, so I can't give too much advice from my own experience.
But I like the comments 'Ulan' left for you - big brother and so one.
I have a younger sister and my mom told me that I had to take care of my little sister ect...
I have no idea what to tell you since my hubby and I will eventually have to go through the same thing. Our son will be four next month, but we have been trying to haven another little one for a while now. I just hope my son will be able to handle the news in time.
The hospital had a program for siblings that was helpful.
I feel for your son as I was very jealous when my sister was born. Give him a lot of attention both before and especially afterwards. With your attentiveness already, it sounds like you will do fine.
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