Saturday, April 23, 2005

American AARRRGH!!!

What the....?

Anwar Robinson was booted out of the running for American Idol and I'm upset. What is wrong with these people sending in their votes? My golly, have they not been really watching? OR LISTENING??? This is a singing contest, for heaven sakes, not a beauty contest! Why didn't they get rid of Anthony Federov who i personally feel is excruciating to watch or listen to (sorry to fans of Anthony out there)? I cannot ever forgive his "fast ballad" version of the Sound of Music's "Climb Every Mountain" (moan.....groan....). And since then, every other song that came out of his mouth was just plain agony to hear. I feel bad about Anwar's leaving. Although he may not have made the greatest choices for songs, he has never ever been criticized as being an awful singer and performer. He has at least 3 and 1/2 years of training as a tenor in classical technique! And he's just such a nice guy......sniff* (ok, getting carried away...hehe).

Well, i am now rooting for the underdog Scott. Not that i actually expect he will win the contest (i am still in my right senses, don't worry). But i just feel this wave of joy everytime i watch him hurdle each judgment night and continue to join the ranks of Bo Bice and Constantine (who i swear have sold their souls to the devil with the tremendous following they have) despite, well, the obvious.

I am quite happy with the remaining 5 choices, and i genuinely feel that making that decision to choose who deserves to stay on till "the" day will be difficult. And Anthony had better not be one of them. Really.

So, who's your money on to be the next AI?:)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Where It All Began

"When I am gone, release me, let me go...
I have so many things to see and do.
You musn't tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave you my love. You can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness,
I thank you for the love you each have shown
But now it's time to travel alone.
So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust...
It's only for a while that we must part,
So bless the memores within your hearts.
I won't be far away, for life goes on...
So if you need me, call and I will come,
Though you can't see me or touch me, I'll be near...
And if you listen with your heart you'll hear
All my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile. And welcome Home."
- From the literary collection of Charles McCann

i woke up this morning with an ache in my heart. it was a familiar ache. but i couldn't quite figure what was causing it. i hadn't woken up from a bad dream. i wasn't particularly sad over any recent event. i was just, well... sad.

i met up with an architect during the day to discuss changes i needed to make in my office. after going over details on wood finishes, suspended shelvings and glass partitions, i felt the ache again. then i realized why. i missed my papa. a lot. and i felt the familiar tinge of sadness come creeping back as i remembered how it would have been great if he were to work with me on my office project.

he was an architect in his previous life here on earth. i used to remember climbing up the dinner table and watching him bent over the rolls of floor plans and sketches he was due to present the next day. i loved tinkering with his colorful pens, interestingly shaped stencils and rulers and i particularly enjoyed watching him sharpen every Staedtler 2H pencil to a steely point with just a knife! he taught me so much about art and love for reading in all those moments i spent with him. i learned all the basics that i needed to know about technical drawing and color combinations -- much of which i make good use of in my profession today.

my papa was, to me, an extraordinary man who gave so much more to me in my life than i may have given back. Charles Alexander Joseph McCann was a wonderful grandfather whose tenderness, brilliance and quirkiness i will always remember fondly -- the mornings he would wake up at 4 o'clock just to prepare my bath and breakfast before i left for school, the days he would spend hours and hours clipping comic strips of the Peanuts Gang, Nancy, Henry and Ripley's trivia from the newspapers just to paste them up in little notebooks so i could read them again and again when i grew older, the lunch hours where he would save me from being punished by my grandma for not eating my veggies by shoving them in his pockets and pretended i had eaten them all, the afternoons i would watch him walk home from the corner of our street carrying his brown attaché case from a day of work in his office, and the crazy graffitis he would leave on the backrests of bus seats just to let people know he sat there. all these make up what i know of my papa. and a lot of these are what make up who i am now. it was from him that my love for drawing and the arts began. i bet he would have been proud to see how far i've come.

i miss my papa. and i look forward to seeing him again soon.

to meet once more the man from whom it all began.

to all who knew my papa, this is for you too.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Woman of Grace

Just got back from a weekend retreat that focused specifically on living the life of a Christian woman solely by God's grace alone. It was a very empowering encounter with the Lord, and I must admit that I was guilty at first for dreading being at the retreat the moment i set foot on the floors of the retreat house. I already knew for a fact that I was going to go through with it alone, without the comfort of knowing that my sisters in Ligaya would be there to experience it with me. And for those who know me well, to be around total strangers for a whole 2 days and to sleep in a place far from my husband and my son, was extreme torture. I hated being alone. I hated having to make small talk with people who I know I must speak to eventually (it's a retreat -- so in the course of 2 days i would have to pour out my heart and woes to them at some point...). I dreaded the thought of sharing a room with an unknown woman whom i wasn't even sure i would get along with. In short, i had thoughts of making an escape by coming up with some lame excuse that my son missed me and could not bear being away from me for more than day (which was far from true because he hardly even noticed my absence... sigh*) But God's grace was with me from the onset. I made the decision to receive this grace, and with a deep breath, i said yes to the invitation and went through with the retreat.

And i'm glad i did.

I discovered so many things about me that i never did quite figure out before. It really helped that it was a retreat that centered on the frustrations, fears, needs and aspirations of a woman. Somehow i felt that being in the presence of other Venusians helped me confirm some of the doubts and uncertainties i've had on past decisions and nagging feelings i've been having had i discussed them with my Martian partner. As each hour passed, i felt more secure, refreshed and strengthened by the knowledge of God's constant presence in my life. Something that i know for a fact (of course) has always been there, but time and again forget when the going gets tough and i start to rely on my own strength instead of receiving His grace.

It was by obedience alone that i decided to stay at the retreat, and God has rewarded that act by gifting me with new insights, new directions, new friendships, and a renewed faith in Him who directs my steps. Having to accept His grace to face life's challenges may seem like an easy task at this moment (believe me, I am at a difficult fork in my life and His grace is all i have right now), but the real challenge lies on whether I can actually remain consistent in my promise to live out the life of a woman of grace.

By his grace once more, I am hoping to fight my battles with confidence and a winning heart.

I pray for God's grace to also be with all of you who are facing difficult situations at this very moment.

Pray for me too...:)