Little Shop of Horrors

I walked into the mall I frequented. I picked a shop to visit. I liked what I saw. I ran my fingers through the rack. I picked up an item. I inspected. I looked. I felt.

Then, it happened.

She walked right up to me. She watched me. She gave me a wide grin. Then she opened her mouth and the words rolled off her tongue and sent chills down my spine.

“Ma’am, pwede niyo siya i-fit.”

The hair on my nape began to rise. My pupils dilated. My heart palpitated.

I stared at her with horror and disgust. I thought about the tens of thousands of sales ladies who have walked up to me in the store and flung those very lines at me. ME -- a helpless victim of fashion who mistakenly wandered into that very store and fell right into her trap.

I bit my tongue. I had to prevent myself from letting her know the truth. The truth… The truth that I have always known -- na pwede talaga siya i-fit! That it never once crossed my mind that this privilege will ever, EVER actually be withheld from me by her or anyone!

Why??? Why do they say these things? Why will I want to buy something I could wear and not think that I can try it on to fit? Do people actually get shocked at the thought that this store is so one-of-a-kind that they not only sell the clothes, they will actually let you fit them first! WOWOWEE, you lucky duck!!! I swear. Every friggin’ time they ruin it for me and make my shopping hour a living hell.

And just as I thought it couldn’t get any worst, she went on…

“May malalaki pa po kaming sizes.” (eyebrows shoot up now)

“Bagay sa inyo ho yan kasi maputi kayo” (this referring to a brightly colored rice sack of a blouse with what seemed to be kalachuchis and dama de noches hanging on cheap threads across the neckline)

And, like I didn’t catch it the first time…

“Lahat po ito pwede niyong i-fit.”

I took a deep breath. My eyes swept the rest of the remaining beauties on hangers, turned around, and walked out the store.

Just as I thought my nightmares couldn’t get any worst, I walked into another store and examined the nice display of shoes on a shelf. I picked up a shoe. Then he walked right up to my side. I asked if that was the smallest size they had.

“No, ma’am. May ibang sizes pa po kami.”

So I asked for a size smaller. Once again, it happened.

“Ay ma’am, yan po ang smallest na po.”

The hair on my nape began to rise. My pupils dilated. My heart palpitated.

I gripped the shoe tightly and warned myself to not pound the heel on his head. No. No. NO!

Instead I gave the same look of disgust and horror I have well practiced by now, put the merchandise down and walked out the door.

I began to get light-headed. My head started to spin. What is happening? Why are they out to get me? I grabbed onto the escalator railing for balance. I panicked. I quickly lit my Marlboro Lights stick and took a deep drag on it. I walked out the mall. Ah…… the nightmare is over.

The story above is a true story and may or may not happen to you at any time in your life. But it happened to me. And continues to happen on a regular basis. Because I love shopping. Horrors and all. So beware. Shudder…